Believing that you need suffering to show love

When you have internalised that you need to suffer so that someone can love you, you might gravitate towards a certain type of lovers. This is due to your need to be needed.

Here is a short list of the characteristics of people you might gravitate towards.

They want to move in together too fast.

They might not work or rarely work and they do drugs or drink too much alcohol.

They are a challenge or can have other partners or lovers behind your back.

They take and use your money for their habits.

They rely on you to look after them.

They tell you stories about their childhood so that you pity them and let them stay.

When you threaten to leave they make an effort for a short period then go back to their ways.

You do not feel that you need to hold them responsible for their behaviour due to their upbringing.

You end up forgetting your own childhood to remedy theirs.

They might get violent or throw tantrums to get their own way.

They might give you the silent treatment without resolving issues.

You feel guilty for making them angry.

Here is what you need to do

Understand your behaviour and why you are where you are.

Understand that you are in a codependent and toxic dynamic.

Look into your home of origin and understand how your man picker works.

Seek therapy, counselling or a support group to help you heal.

Heal your inner child to connect with yourself.

Start with practising self-care to learn boundary.

Work on your behaviours straight away. Do things differently.

You do not have to wait to feel differently. Immediately change behaviour.