Behaviour and consequences

You might complain sometimes, that someone's , let us say a partner's attitude has changed.

Perhaps the partner is doing something that is not helpful for the relationship.

Someone has stopped doing what they were doing before.

Someone is doing something that they were not doing before.

What helps in these instances is to explore what happened before this change.

On many occasions, your partner's attitude or action is a response to what you were or you are doing.

Next, you might then react to the partner's response behaviour, which creates a vicious cycle.

The reason why situations deteriorate is because issues are swept under the rug. Lack of conflict resolution, defensiveness leads to dysfunctional dynamics.

What is helpful in these early instances where a relationship is deteriorating, is to detach and create space for both to reflect. Rather than continue back and forth arguments or trying to engage, fix or blame, give each other space to look within.

Explore what is happening and your contribution. This does not mean you are the only one responsible.

However, your responsibility lies in your own life and what is withih your control

Look into and take responsibility for your part.

Recognise that a situation can only deteriorate if allowed to.

The deterioration begins with an instigation by one party, then contribution by the party.

Further deterioration is enabled by both of you.

If the situation is not nipped in the bud this results in a toxic dynamic.

So, before complaining about what is not going well, recognise how you got there. It is not that things in life will not go wrong.

Or that you will not have problems in relationships. It is what you do about it that determines your relationship outcomes.

Tracking the source or origin of your relationship problems can help you to act before deterioration in future.

Red flags, unhealthy behaviours or reactions are usually the source of your issues. Do not minimise them or ignore them.

Sometimes, the very action required is to let the situation end without creating toxicity.

Other times you need to communicate and resolve issues early on.

This is why boundaries are important.

Expressing your needs is important.

Not walking on eggshells is important.

Acting on red flags is important.

Whatever is important still needs to be done consciously, by parenting the self in the space first.

If you parent yourself, you choose what is yours and what is your partner's to address.

Introduce conflict resolution hour weekly.

Introduce love languages and appreciation.

Introduce date night weekly.

Introduce your own self-care routine, so that you are not relying on a relationship to save your life.

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