Balance romance and living

In our quest to get into romantic relationships, and while in the relationship it is a great recommendation to recognise that life does not stop. For this reason, emphasis need to be romance only, or romance foremost. Emphasis needs to be given to a quality life through investing in the self. When we invest in ourselves, we set a standard for which we are loved, and to adhere to. A standard that we will most likely assess the suitors or our partner with. Also , when you invest in yourself, you trust and believe in yourself, you create home in yourself,, and you rely on yourself, respect yourself and adhere to your values. When then you meet someone, you have a safe haven in yourself to call home.. You do not build home in another. When you build a home in yourself, you will recognise that you are worthy beyond the admiration or validation of another. In this state, a relationship becomes a bonus. You have learnt and saboured the freedom of being your own person, with own free will. You recognise how much commitment to self-care, self-regulation for self-compassion, and consistency for self trust , and detachment for allowing it takes to build a safe space in yourself. For this very same reason, you appreciate and respect anyone coming into your space who has also invested in themselves. When you meet someone who matches your values, you continue to invest in yourself trusting them to do the same for themselves. You are in a space where you are no longer feeling like a child who needs someone , a parent to meet their Unmet needs constantly. Instead, you apply love on three levels. You can rely on you, and then trust your partner to participate in an interdependent dynamic. There is no pressure, because you only put pressure on yourself to do the best for you. Not to pressure anyone to be what you want. Your relationships thrive, because your partner chooses , as you choose, what is best. There is room for conflict, and there is room for its resolution. There is room for agreement, and there is space for boundaries. Each one of you respects and understand what is best for them. And also respect each other. But, this is a muscle we strengthen during our single days. Or during our healing days if already in relationships. This is a muscle we require if our relationships are going to be worth the ink they are written on. Worth the time we spent in them.

Worth the tears we shed, the time away from others we lose.

Worth the money we spent in them and the stories we tell others.

Worth our peace of mind and wellbeing. For if we are only hoping for romance without Strengthening the self-relationship, then we are setting ourselves up to be someone else's child or parent. - To be in a place where we cannot trust the partner, because we have no standard for trust for ourselves. - In a place where we put pressure on a partner, because we do not know what it is like to put pressure on ourselves and be the best for us foremost. - To put pressure on ourselves and recognise that with our investment, we cannot take any pressure from anyone also. - To stop living or meeting friends and family because we have found romance. - To stop living and feel sad, lonely and depressed because we have not yet found romance. While surrounded by other people. - When we do find someone, under these circumstances, it will be too much pressure for this person to make us happy. Because we have made relationship our goal. -We live an unhappy life because we cannot leave, and we deem this person to be everything to us.

- To ignore all other potential suitors because of one person who is giving us nothing. As we seek romance, as we continue in our present relationships, let it be our priority, to address our wounds of past hurts, to address the behaviours that continue to cause hurt, and above all, to be brave enough to sit with and parent the desire to want to change someone or force outcomes.

Express what you seek, but

Make dating fun.

Enjoy their company , but

Do not rush anything. Let romance be a bonus.