Attitudes that block love

When you are dating, it helps to recognise that some of your attitudes and behaviours can block love. In other words, you can prevent or interfere with creating a healthy relationship because of certain patterns. Here are some of them.

1. Dating when you have not healed your trauma. You will continue to seek a feeling from childhood and try to find it in partners. When you find this feeling you will then try to correct your parents in a partner.

2. Not working on healing your break up.

a) When you are still attached to an ex, and you believe that nobody is like them, you will not be able to connect with another person. Anyone you meet makes you miss your ex.

b) You will also compare everyone with your ex, and they will not measure up. It is not that your ex was better than this person. Yes, they were the best for the period, but because you are living in the past and you are not over the abandonment.

3. You take rejection personally.

Rather than grieve and move forward with your life, you are hung up on why they left you and are seeking ways to feel that you are loveable. Yet, this is one person among many and their rejection is an opportunity for you to find the right relationship. They are not attached to your worthiness. Rejection is a part of life.

4. Friends with benefits while trying to date. When you meet someone while you are sleeping with other people, you might not see the value of a relationship. You could be attached to hook ups as a coping strategy, or you could be attached to a person you are sleeping with. You might also not make an effort to resolve issues in the relationship because you have somewhere to sleep.

5. Dating multiple people without a plan If you are dating a few people and you have no clarity about what you want, this might interfere with creating healthy relationships. Again, you might run from person to person and not try to learn to resolve issues. Know what you want and date a few people without sleeping with them for a while, then weed off the wrong matches.

6. Control tendencies or competitiveness.

Three attitudes will not help you.

a) Wanting others to do what you want , without taking the opportunity to receive feedback, step back, and learn from the feedback.

b) the inability to hold space and allow a partner to air their views or concerns because you need to be right.

c) Believing your feelings matter more than your partner or other people.

7. Addiction to chaos

The habit of staying longer in inconsistent or toxic situations

If you get into the habit of staying longer in unhealthy or inconsistent relationships, you can end up associating love with struggle. You might feel as if you are doing a great job if there is struggle in a relationship. This is because, you attach worthiness to a relationship and also to efforting.

8. Believing that externals such as looks and wealth have an effect on the quality of your relationship. When all is said and done, money or beauty, or education does not keep them. Character does.

In all the above, it is likely that you are emotionally unavailable, and might be looking for love in all the wrong places.

At the root of your emotional unavailability is childhood trauma. You are using protective strategies to keep yourself safe.

Heal for your relationships

https://www.friendsabroadrelationshipschool.co.uk/post/attitudes-that-block-love

In all the above, it is likely that you are emotionally unavailable, and might be looking for love in all the wrong places.

At the root of your emotional unavailability is childhood trauma. You are using protective strategies to keep yourself safe.

Heal for your relationships