As you heal or transform, you leave somethings behind.

Do not drag everything along!

Stagnation is a sign that something in your life is not changing. Nothing changes unless or until you do things differently.

If you want to grow and to change your life, you will have to leave behind some of your behaviours and habits.

You need to learn to do things differently.

What things you ask ?

1. Stop dating again and again when things are not working in relationships.

2. Rather than spending time on dating sites or with friends, talking about your ex, focus that time on healing.

3. Start addressing your root cause. Explore why you are in a particular situation. Look into your childhood and be honest with yourself. For yourself. Shame and denying trauma will not likely help you long term.

4. When you notice red flags, do not dismiss them. Take them as a signal for you to choose what is best for you.

5. Avoid fixing in your relationships, or being everything to everyone. Start to fix your own life instead. Self-care routine in the morning, day practices and night routine consistently helps you to move your focus to you.

6. Be ok with rejection. In order to come to terms with rejection, you might want to remind yourself that you reject others too. That is OK. So do not expect everyone to accept you either.

7. Learn about the impermanence of things. Everything is on loan. Life gives it to you.

8. With 7 in mind, learn to live in the moment. Enjoy the now and focus on what is in front of you. Avoid bringing up issues all the time in your relationships.

9. To be in the moment, you need awareness and tools to stay present, and relationship rituals. Objectively evaluate your triggers in the relationship with SIFTSEM or other tools, in order to ground.

Introduce relationship rituals such as conflict resolution hour weekly, love languages, date nights, holding hands and speaking words of affirmations to each other for 3 minutes.

Learn to express yourself with vulnerability instead of reacting. If you start with feeling statements that will be a helpful.

Incorporate boundaries in your life to protect yourself emotionally, and to avoid resentment. Be assertive.

10. Learn to live with appreciation. A state of gratitude will help you with reframes. You notice what is going well in your life and relationship, even during periods of upheaval.

All these are new practices you incorporate in your life to shift focus will be a challenge to start with. With time though, you will feel safer and more empowered in your relationships.

As you become more self-loving, you lose attitudes, behaviours and even people who no longer serve you.

As you realise your worth, some people who were appealing to you no longer hold that appeal anymore.

You also have to brace yourself. You might lose your partner during the process of transformation. That is OK too.