An insecure partner

A partner who is jealous of you has their own insecurities. This person might constantly seek reassurance from you in order to fill up something missing in themselves.

It is helpful to try and understand them and why they do what they do first. Insecurities usually stems from a wound in childhood. Perhaps through their upbringing they lost trust in their caregivers. Due to this conditioning, it might be hard for them to believe that anyone can be trusted.

When they hear about your past they do not feel that they can measure up to your previous partners. They are constantly trying to find out how how they can probably measure up to your ex or do something that your ex did.

Due to abandonment wounds in childhood, this jealous or insecurity leads to self-sabotage. They become obsessed with their past, and see it in your past. So, they might lose focus of the present moment and relationship.

They feel unlovable and unloved. Life is a competition. They are critical of themselves and therefore others. They focus on what might go wrong, instead of the present. For this reason, people who are untrusting, jealous or insecure are likely to become abusive any relationships. They can use your past to make life difficult for you, or constantly bringing up your past in conversation.

In their actions they are subconsciously

trying to find a way to make you abandon them. So they unconsciously employ this tactic of repeatedly bringing up uncomfortable topics so that you can eventually get fed up and leave. They will then confirm their fears that nobody can be trusted, and that they are unloveable.

To maintain the relationship or try, create boundaries around what you share. You are under no obligation to share everything with your partner. Also some past occurrences are not relevant to your relationship at the moment.

Being repeatedly questioned about your past by a partner can be uncomfortable and unsettling.

Their traumas make it difficult for them to recognise that the past is gone and this new relationship requires new strategies.

For this reason, the untrusting, jealous or insecure partner is likely to become abusive any relationships. They can use your past to make life difficult for you, or constantly bringing up your past in conversation.

If they feel insecure about your past , they probe you for intimate details. They might pressure you to do things you did with the other person. They might feel unsafe if you were to meet that person or talk to them, especially where children are concerned. They might end up questioning you about your whereabouts and about anyone you interact with.

Boundaries

Heal your inner child and learn to love yourself in order to set boundaries for what is helpful for you. What you allow continues.

Try to remind them that you are in a relationship with them now and you want to focus on your relationship together.

Recognise that you need to be creating memories in your relationship, just like you created memories in the previous relationships.

Taking the time away from your relationship by discussing exs might lead to discord in your relationship.

You lose the present moment, where you can have fun.

You might both end up dreading spending time together, and end up appeasing a partner just to make things work.

Recognise that this is your partner's issue, nothing to do with you. While you can reassure and hold space initially, do not get into parenting mode or enabling them to continue this attitude. If you need to change something, make the changes yourself. Do not allow situations that might constantly trigger you.