Addiction to chaos

When we end up with partners with emotional dependence and cruelty , we need to note that we might combine the attributes of our parents. This might also account for our attraction to these partners, because they feel familiar.

When we come from nurturing families with appropriate expressions of affection, approval and interest , we are only comfortable around people with warmth, security, openness and positive regard.

We avoid people who make us feel less positive about ourselves through manipulation and criticism.

When we come from hostile , overdependent, manipulative and cruel or inappropriate families, we feel right with people who do not support us in ways that promote autonomy.

We feel at ease with learned helplessness, enabling, cruelty and manipulation. We feel ill at ease in supportive and helpful environments or with healthier individuals.

When there is no challenge of drama that we are familiar with, or nothing to change about the person, we feel bored and ill at ease. Boredom is because we do not have anyone paying attention to while helping them and hoping they change. We cannot just be, we want to do. To use our talents to fix and when a partner does not need us to fix them, we feel empty.

People from troubled families need the excitement that is especially negative, which spells chaos and drama that has always been present in their lives.

This comes from having their feelings denied and therefore needing drama to create feelings. They feel alive through uncertainty, disappointment, pain and struggle.

Note these behaviours

1. This is why you keep calling someone who is not healthy for you or going back to them.

2. Observe how you might try to contact someone who is ignoring you, or who is not stepping up.

3. Pay attention to situations when you might do what someone wants that you do not agree to.

4. Pay attention to your reluctance to heal or to change your behaviours.

5. Pay attention to excuses you make for your unhealthy behaviour or that of someone who is not healthy for you. You can be loved for who you are without fixing someone. You do not need chaos to feel alive. Peacefulness and l