10 ways abusive relationships unfold

 10 ways abusive relationships unfold

10 ways abusive relationships unfold

Abusive relationships are a result of differences that are not resolved or where both parties cannot find common ground. Maybe you cannot or do not attempt to resolve conflict in your relationship. This leaves each one of you with resentment or a sense of injustice.

If this relationship with unresolved differences continues, it can turn toxic as each person battles with their feelings of injustice.

1. Not discussing the kind of relationship you are looking for

When you meet someone for a relationship, you need to be clear about what you are looking for in a relationship and you let the other person know what you're looking for. Additionally, find out what they're looking for too. When you realise you are not on the same page, let go earlier.

If you stay in situations where you do not have clarity, you will end up feeling used if this person does not want commitment. Or you end up in conflict if you do not want a serious relationship and the other person does.

2. Your values and deal breakers

Be aware of your own deal breakers and your values. However your deal breakers and values don't matter unless you have boundaries!

If you meet someone, the dating stage is to vet them for habits and patterns. When you observe that your values do not align, you're supposed to leave.

You may communicate your feelings by first noticing their activities, but you need to be prepared to move on if you do not notice any changes.

The moment you try to change another person through the power of love, you have become controlling.

3. Convincing mode

Abusive relationships may start when you try to make a partner change and they resist. Your partner has free will. You are not looking for a child to guide you. You are looking for a partner.

This is why you need to assess your role in your unhealthy relationship. You are trying to change someone who doesn't want to change. Not for you anyway.

Recognise when you have communicated what you want and if your partner has not made changes, let go or leave.

4. Trust issues lead to abusive behaviour

When you do not trust your partner, you end up checking on them or telling them how to behave, who to hang out with, where to go and how to live their life. This is controlling.

Your partner either lives as a shell of themselves or they may react defensively to your demands. The relationship then gets unhealthy due to arguments and disagreements.

Work on self-trust

Trust the process

Trust your partner or leave.

5. Taking your unresolved issues into the next relationship

When you do not take time to heal a break-up, you might take your beliefs and experiences into the next relationship and give your partner a hard time based on your previous experiences.

Your partner might feel overwhelmed by the pressure to try and keep you happy. This leads to a toxic relationship.

Heal your breakups and abandonment trauma even after you move into a new relationship.

Treat every new relationship as a new relationship that it is.

6. Entitlement

When you are entitled, you make demands on a partner due to a lot of expectations. Entitlement comes from having grown up without something or with too much of something. Learn moderation and put expectations on yourself not a partner.

When you know what you want and you have boundaries, you don't make demands on anyone but yourself.

7. Setting up a partner to be a parent

When you struggle with boundaries or you are not aligned with your values, you might allow a partner to make decisions for you in everything you do. You might believe this is how you are a lover when your partner is controlling you. You might have no say in your own life.

Heal your life and recognise you are responsible for your life and behaviour.

You are with a partner, not a parent.

8. Lack of boundaries

All of the above actions show a lack of alignment with your values. When you do not adhere to your boundaries, you allow bad behaviour. You end up being abused or constantly trying to prove yourself in the relationship. Or you might think by not expressing standards you're being loving to your partner.

Learn self-love and adhere to your boundaries to act in your best interest.

Do not fear losing a partner but fear losing yourself.

9. Hustle for your worth in desperation

When you do not feel worthy in a relationship, you might try to compensate with money, changing your appearance or getting into the space.

Know your worth and do not attach to outcomes. Trust the process and open up to people who love you for you not what you can do or what you have.

10. Childhood trauma leading to fear of rejection

Abandonment trauma is a major cause of unhealthy relationships. You might try to protect yourself from rejection in the relationship by over-functioning and convincing your partner you are good together. This behaviour can put too much pressure on your relationship and result in a push-and-pull dynamic.

Assess the type of parents who raised you

Heal the inner child to connect with yourself. Heal abandonment trauma

Practice self-care to maintain boundaries

Appreciate the shortness of life and aspire to live well

Practice dichotomy of control